When Do you say Enough?
Some of you know of some issues I’ve been dealing with at home, some of you don’t. For those that do, at what point do I say enough is enough and leave? It is such a hard decision but one I really think I must contemplate. I love this man with all of my heart and soul, but he does not love me the way we once shared. Just look at the love in that picture, truth is the attraction soon died after we got married. See in the military, he claimed it was unprofessional to show feelings such as affection in public. But he still loved me and I knew it. We’ve been through a lot in the past 12 years, from two deployments to Iraq and a 1 year unaccompanied tour in Japan. We almost split once, well we did except we got back together right before it would’ve been final. Things were going so great for many years, I was happy with my life and a proud wife and mother.
The first time he went to Iraq though he changed. He came home and never wanted to be home, claiming he always felt like a stranger in his home….more like a guest. I tried everything they said in the military to get him to feel welcome, but due to whatever they went through he changed. I couldn’t get the man back. We soon moved, and moved away from the issues there and into a new state. Things were going well for us there, but then once again he went and came back even worse. He liked to spend money and could never stay in the same place. He got into cards and lost money. Since we moved here it has only got worse, we’ve lost so much money do to his issue. I’ve tried helping but nothing ever worked, he even went to counseling and quit. Granted he did that because I threatened to leave. He started doing good once again and the other night blew it once again. I’m so tired of this, worrying all the time about how to make ends meet. I’m a blogger, I don’t earn that much money…kids are tired of it too now. I’ve told him all this numerous times. Last time, being yesterday morning when he came home, I told him everything I felt and explained I was ready to leave because I couldnt’ keep doing it. He did it again last night. He refuses to talk about it now, the only thing he told me yesterday was he would not go to a counselor because it would only make him feel worse.
I know I shouldn’t blog this but you are all my friends and I just need to vent and talk out my feelings. He’s completely shut himself off to me and I’ve got no one but the kids and online friends to chat with. I told him just a few minutes ago I needed to talk, he walked off, even locked himself in the room and then in the bathroom. I give up, there is nothing I can do to help him. But I can help my kids and self. But I don’t want to hurt them either. I love this man, but hate him at the moment, I hate this person he has become. I want the man I fell in love with back.
