Speak Life not Death over Children
Once upon a time, I was told by two adults that I should never have children. I was a teenager at the time. A very angry and hurt 16-year-old teenager, who had been deeply wounded by the one person she had trusted. I was told I would more than likely, (due to statistics) do what my biological mother had done to me. I knew I’d never want to harm a child so I accepted this as truth.
Words can sting and can stay with a child for a long time. These two adults should never have spoken that over me. My world was shattered, from that point on all my dreams changed. I no longer wanted to be a mother, I would no longer want to be a teacher either. I was fearful of being a mother, let alone being near children. Truth is, this wasn’t what God believed but at the time I wouldn’t realize this and would accept this as truth.
God was Doing Stuff Without Me Knowing
I never told anyone, not even my mother or father knew what was said to me that day. I kept it hidden in my heart and mind. For the next two years, I carried that with me, but God kept putting children and babies in my path. When I got engaged I’d explain I’d never have children.
My fiance never believed that for a minute, even introduced me to his newborn niece. She was a colicky baby but would stop when I held her. I’d instantly get a sense of peace around children and calmness with the simple smile of a baby. How could I harm one? How could a mother ever harm her own child?
I Became Pregnant
I got pregnant on or immediately after our honeymoon, shortly after we got married. I was terrified of it. Why me? I mean I knew how but why. I desperately wanted this baby but worried if I’d be a good mother to him.
I would have 13 threatened miscarriages with just that one pregnancy alone. I was constantly in the hospital. At the time I believed this was God saying he didn’t want me to have kids. The doctors even told me not to become attached because he wouldn’t make it. God had other plans. I was so confused. But the day he was born I knew I could never harm him. I knew I’d hurt someone that did.
With my second pregnancy, I worried I’d be a bad mother because I already loved one child and didn’t know if I could love a second child. But once again God showed me I was full of love. I picked out her name long before I was ever out of high school. I loved her just as much as I loved him. Today I’m the mother to five children, each one making me question why he’d give me another.
The Year I Forgave My Biological Mother Would be the Turning Point in My Life
It wasn’t until the last child that I’d actually forgive my mother. I mean I literally forgave her for everything and would be able to speak to her without hatred or hurt. This was the same year, I’d go to a church that ended up having me as their Sunday School Teacher.
God knows what he is doing. Once again, I thought they were wrong but I enjoyed every minute searching for Sunday School Crafts, songs, and different ways to teach a lesson. I never felt I was the right person, I didn’t have the qualifications. But I loved it and they seemed to as well. They were remembering the verses and the lessons, I was enjoying teaching them and learning the bible as I researched how to plan lessons. He was getting me to grow with him and making my dreams come true without me ever realizing it.
Is Motherhood Important?
When I began blogging I named this blog “The Life of a Home Mom” the URL is Homemom3 because my oldest once told me all that I was (at the time) just a home mom to 3. In simple terms, I’m a mom and that is it. Was I nothing more? Motherhood wasn’t a profession. I needed to be something else because that’s how the world viewed me. I had that thought cross my mind many times throughout the years.
But being a mom is important, you are raising these young humans (as Nicoli calls little children) to become responsible adults. You are supposed to show them love and how to be loved by others. It is an important job, it took me far too long to realize I had value in this.
I was asked at church once “What is your calling from God?” I felt so lost because I had no clue what God wanted me to do. As I am typing this post I have realized two things
1. God’ always has a plan for your life, no matter what you think or what you are told.
2. Your dreams, your deep passions are because those were what he always planned for you. He will help you to make those happen.
Don’t tell me that motherhood isn’t a calling from God because some very important women in the bible had a calling of being just that. Samson’s mother was known simply as that, his mother, she is never mentioned by name in the bible. Mary was mother to Jesus, who saved us all. Once again, motherhood can be a calling from God. These two women alone raised some very important men. Do you believe motherhood can be a calling from God?